


One Shots To The Journey Of Life

by saturn_galaxy



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-05 13:50:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13389141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturn_galaxy/pseuds/saturn_galaxy
Summary: One shots based on the lifes of Patsy and Delia. How they met, became friends, fell in love & more





	1. The Start

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ever story. I wasn't very sure about writing but I felt that there was a lot missing in the story of Patsy and Delia. I built up the courage to write about them, based on what was said on Call The Midwife and my Interpretation of it.
> 
> I would really like to know what you think of the story! Also things you feel might be missing, ideas to write about, anything! Writing tips would be great too!
> 
> P.S: English is not my first language

**_3 years. 1095 days. That’s how long it took her to finally come clean with her feelings for Delia Busby. At the beginning there was a lot of denial and then came the pain, but it was worth it. So worth it. The development of her feelings was the scariest thing she had ever had to go through. She had no guidance; it wasn’t like she could just ask for advice. It also meant that she had to open herself, something she had never done before, or at least in a long time. Patience Mount was lost, but eventually she found the way._ **

It all started in 1955. Delia was 18, I was 22. I was practically on my way to being a nurse and she was just starting her journey. Every year, the eldest students were supposed to show the new ones around. She wasn’t there yet, she was late. I later found out that her train had a malfunction. So Matron asked me to take her when she arrived. Just the two of us. You and me. Alone. She was cheeky and liked to tease a lot. Everyone knew I was someone not to be messed with, but since the beginning she saw right past through that, didn’t care about what the other girls had to say about me.

  
That’s how we became friends. We didn’t become close immediately. We started by greeting each other, swapping lecture - notes, sharing a cup of tea. She had her group of friends and I had mine, sort of.

  
Ever since I laid my eyes on her, I felt something that I hadn’t felt before. I couldn’t place into words what it was. I knew that I enjoyed her company, liked her personality and… that I wanted to be around her. Those feelings grew, stronger and stronger. At first, I chose to ignore them, pretend that I didn’t know what was happening. I have always been scared of the unknown. But after a year things couldn’t be ignored anymore.

  
One ordinary day, after finishing my shift, I found Delia sitting on a bench looking absolutely broken. I stopped right then and there not knowing what do. I’ve never been good at comforting people. But I couldn’t leave her, no like that, not ever.

  
I sat down next to her, trying not to startle her. Should I hug her? Hold her hand? Offer her a hankie? Talk to her? My thoughts were all over the place, but I had to do something for God’s sake! I decided to stop thinking and take her in my arms. I could sense how hard she was trying to stay in control of water it was that was troubling her. After some comforting words, she just broke down sobbing in my arms. After some time of pure silent, I noticed it had gotten colder and neither of us had a coat. We went to my bedroom, I hold her again while she cried. We didn’t speak, it wasn’t necessary. And it was okay.

  
That’s when it hit me, hard. Right then and there. I wanted to be comforting Delia. I wanted to make her feel better when something was wrong. I also wanted to be the one to make her smile. I wanted this.


	2. The aftermath, Patsy being alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the aftermath. The following chapter was a treaky one to write. I imagine it would be life - changing for someone like Patsy to fall in love.

_**The aftermath, Patsy being alone with her thoughts.** _

Shortly after my realization, I left her so abruptly. I just had to be alone. I can’t even remember what lame excuse I used. It’s just that I couldn’t let her see me, not like this. She always, always could look me right in the eyes and see if something was bothering me.

As soon I entered my room, everything began spinning, the room, the walls, my thoughts, everything. I didn’t even know I had reached my bed, until I fell hard on it. I was numb, completely numb. It was like out of nowhere I couldn’t think straight, I just couldn’t function. But then I snapped out of it, everything came swirling around, a sea of every sort of thoughts. A hurricane of feelings.

_I like... I, Patience Mount, like someone. I like her. I like Delia Busby. It Can’t be true. No, there’s not even a chance of it._

_Who was I kidding? This, these things that I was feeling, were exactly what everyone talked about when they fancied someone. Oh God. No._

I was a complete mess. Too much, too soon. I wasn’t prepared to have such revelations. I couldn’t even breathe. I was in the middle of a panic attack. I grabbed the sheets, anything nearby. Anything I could hold on to have control back. After some time, I regained my breath and calmed myself down, as much as I could, given the circumstances.

This never happened to me. To think of someone in this way, like this. I never thought I had it in me, I never thought I was able to. I never thought someone could be so beautiful, so caring, so funny, so intelligent, and so sensible. _God. Now there is no turning back. I admitted it._

 

_I am completely smitten by her._

 

But then came the worse. For the second time that night, I had realized something. Delia was a woman. A woman, not a man. She could never know about my feelings. Nobody could. She could never understand. She won’t be able to bear it. I could ruin her carrier. The last thing that I wanted was to hurt her. I didn’t care about me. I have suffered already; somehow I went through that, I was going to go through this. But she could never know. Never.

 _What do I do now? Stop talking to her? Pretend like this never happened?_ After some minutes or maybe even hours, I came to a decision. I had to pretend. I was good at that. Delia Busby was the most important person in my life, my best friend after all. She made my life easier. The thing I value the most is our friendship. I couldn’t lose that, couldn’t lose her.

My decision was made. Even if it was going to hurt, I wanted Delia to be part of my life.

After that, I couldn’t sleep. I felt numb again and everything, all at ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!
> 
> The next ones are going to be about Delia!


	3. Delia’s revelations.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Delia's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is how I imagine how Delia's life back in Wales was. This one was harder to write. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

**_Delia always liked to think that she was assertive, determinate, that she knew what she wanted. It was true, for the most part. Except for one aspect of her life: her love life._ **

 

Ever since I was little, everyone always told me how my life was supposed to look like. “The perfect little life of every village girl”. That’s what every girl in Wales was supposed to want: a man, a wedding, a house, children and all of those things. It seemed as though it was the only thing to think about. Every little girl would dream about it. I just couldn’t. Well, I mean, I thought about them. But I had my own way of thinking about this. I knew that I wanted to get married, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with “the one and only”. But for some reason I could never put a face to the person I would do those things with. In fact for the longest time it was just a shadowy figure.

When I was young, all I cared about was running through the fields, climbing trees and being as free as I could. At first, I had to do all of this alone because not many girls seemed to want to. I didn’t care about it, I was having fun. Although my mother didn’t like it very much. I never doubted myself. I knew that I liked doing that, so I wasn’t going to stop.

As I grew up, I formed my group of friends. We all had one main characteristic in common, but we chose to show it differently. We all wanted to change the way we were told to live, we didn’t quiet agree with live expectations. We all thought that there was a lot more behind Wales. We had different backgrounds and families, we had different hobbies. But we cared for each other, and most important, we understood each other.

We were all very close, but Aeron and I lived next to each other and we became closer. We often met up at night just to talk about how great it would be to explore the word, and we were the only ones to actually be making plans to make those dreams come true.

I thought of him as a brother. But when I was 17, I learnt that he thought much more of me.

On an ordinary day, he built up the courage to tell how he truly felt. He told me, that he liked me, loved me even. Without much of a warning, he was kissing me. I was shocked. I didn’t feel much. It felt right, I suppose. Everyone in town always kept talking about how we would end up together. So I thought that was what it was supposed to happen. Ever since the begging it felt good, right even, but something was missing, something deeper.

I have always wanted to fight the stereotypical way of living life, but at the same time, I couldn’t. Not on this situation. Not with Aeron. I had all this questions; I believed he was the answer. _Why am I not interested in boys? Why don’t I fancy them?_

I thought he could make that old shadowy figure come to life.

That was far from the truth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After finishing with Delia's story, I don't really know what to write about next. I was thinking about jumping right at "The first kiss" and then use that to tell the story before and after. But I can't really make up my mind. If you have any ideas, they are more than welcome!


	4. Sometime after Delia’s revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!

**_Sometime after Delia’s revelations_ **

Just after a few months of being with Aeron it was clear to me that this wasn’t working. It just stopped feeling right. It just didn’t look like all the other couples. But then again, I didn’t know how being in a relationship was supposed to feel like. I didn’t feel any different than when we were just friends, there was no sparkle, no nothing. But it appeared that I was the only one feeling like this. Every day that went by, he looked happier, even more in love. I know that because it was obvious to anyone with eyes, and because it was obvious to me that I was going to break his heart. I cared about him, I really did, but in a different way. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t change that.

I had to end things. It hurt so much knowing I was going to break him, but if I didn’t do this sooner than later, it was going to be worse. Way worse. I couldn’t ignore the fact that romantic feelings were missing, but I also couldn’t ignore my desire to explore beyond Wales. I knew that I wanted to get out, but it seemed he didn’t anymore, it seemed he was satisfied. It was the same with all my friends. It was as if everyone had fallen out of the dreams we had not so long ago.

I had already made up my mind. I knew that I wanted to become a nurse and I knew that I wanted to study in London, at “The London Hospital”. There was no denying anymore. Like there was no denying I had to speak with Aeron.

So, one day, I told him. Feelings, fears, expectations. Everything.

We broke up. I thought that we were both going to be miserable, that we would be awkward around each other.  I was wrong once again. At the beginning, I was sad, but also relieved. The pressure of not liking him in a romantic way was lifted off my shoulders. Even after some time things went back to what they used to be. He understood me, _“I won’t be the one to hold you back”._

Shortly after, I started studying for my nurse’s course. I had to have examinations to get in. I knew they weren’t going to be easy, The London was one of the best hospitals, and so only the best got in. Studying was all I did. This was my chance to start living the life I wanted, the start becoming the person I always wanted to be, to start living my dreams. I was determinate to get in; I couldn’t afford to mess this up.

After I started studying, everything went by so fast, studying, exams. Except for the waiting, it was never ending. I knew I had done well, or at least I liked to believe I did, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. One day without warning, the results arrived. I wasn’t expecting them, that’s why I was so surprised.

I got in.

Just like that I had given the first step to the rest of my life.

Without even realizing I had started with preparations, getting everything ready and in order. I had gotten myself together again, in control. But that didn’t last very long. Nurse’s training was different than I expected. Ever since the first day. That’s when I met her. _Patience Mount. Patsy._ Even though I couldn’t see it right away, something changed that day.


	5. The Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
>  Here's my take on how Patsy might have struggled with her feelings after first realising them.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The realization wasn’t easy for Patsy. After admitting it herself, she realized it was just a little part of the whole truth. Liking Delia was only the tip of the iceberg. She didn’t know how much was hiding behind it, didn’t know how much she was willing to explore, or if she was even ready to rethink her whole life. She knew there were things she always questioned - so much more than just who she was attracted to -, but was always too scared to face the truth, so she just avoided them. Because it meant, digging deep in the darkest part of her heart.

The week after having admitted to herself such feelings for Delia, she was certain she couldn’t face her. She would know. The façade, that Patsy spent so many years building, was transparent to her. Everything would be lost. Patsy needed to be alone, she was a mess, she somehow had to rebuild everything, make it stronger. If Delia could see, then at some point everyone would too. That mustn’t happen; it was out of the question. She was so afraid of people knowing how she truly felt, of truly knowing her. She would lose everything, but most important, Delia would too. She could never forgive herself if that happened. 

By some miracle, she had a quite week, while she knew Delia had one with stacked shifts. That meant they wouldn’t see each other, unless they wanted to. Patsy didn’t like thinking like that, she knew that Delia would know something was wrong, but there was no other option. She needed this week, at least, to think about her feelings. Something Patsy hated doing.

Patsy wasn’t naïve. She knew that homosexuality existed. She knew it was seen badly, she never had anything against it. But from a young age, she knew how cruel society could be.

People didn’t talk about it, so Patsy was as clueless as them. _If she liked Delia, did that mean she had liked another woman before? Was this another reason why she hadn’t seen men in a romantic way? Was this the answer to so many questions buried so deep in her heart? Was this the key, to a long unanswered trouble?_ It looked like it was going to be another sleepless night.

She couldn’t even name what she felt for Delia. She knew it was big, very big, and very strong too. She had never felt something like this. That was the scariest part; she didn’t do well with feelings. She must be the only person in the world to ache from “feeling too much”. 

The most difficult part was to figure out how to deal with it, when Delia was around. Patsy had already decided she wouldn’t distance herself from Delia. She was aware she let herself be “just Patsy” with her, instead of being “Nurse Mount” like she was with everyone else. She felt so blind all of a sudden. These little things were always there for her to see, but she just couldn’t understand them. Delia had been, was: and would always be on her mind.

She had to “adapt” herself to this new reality. That’s what Patsy has been doing her whole life. Always by herself, at her praise, without guidance, but always figuring it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your comments are more than welcome!


	6. Same things, trough new eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story coontinues...
> 
> One of the things I really wanted to write about is Patsy's behavior when it comes to Delia. Based on the show, we see Patsy just being a whole different person around her. I thought it would be nice to write how it would play after Patsy realised how she truly felt about her. 
> 
> In the next few chapters I think I'm going to focus on Patsy. Don't ask me why but somehow i got this idea that it took Delia a little bit longer to understand her feelings.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

It was all too much, so bloody much.

 

One of the only things that Patsy understood in this last couple of weeks of revelations was that she still wanted to be Delia’s friend, even though that’s all she’s ever going to be. But that didn’t turn out so well. When Delia’s shifts came back to normal, facing her would be inevitable. Patsy spent many nights thinking how she would talk to her, how she would be around her, thinking how she was supposed to act. It was a strong word to use, but essentially she had to become an actress around Delia, and now around others too. The problem was that all that preparing was for nothing, because whenever Patsy saw Delia, all she wanted to do is run. If avoiding her could be done, that’s exactly what Patsy would do.

 

Patsy knew that the sooner or later Delia would realize that something was wrong, or at least that Patsy was acting weird. She just hoped it would be the latter. If Delia confronted her, Patsy was clueless as to what was going to happen. Right now she just hated the fact that Delia could see through the Mask she put on every day.

 

Like Patsy predicted, Delia confronted her. It happened without a warning. Delia was sent to the supply closet for some bandages, while Patsy was reorganizing it. Inevitable it was. When they saw each other, they the conversation was bound to happen at some point. Delia was never a fan of going around the bush; she just jumped straight to it.

 

She wasn’t angry: if she was, she wasn’t showing it. Delia did seem sad, Patsy did notice that. She just wanted to understand what was upsetting Patsy.

 

_Patsy, are you alright?-_

_-Delia, I have no idea wha…-_

_-Pats, please don’t do that. I know that something is bothering you.-_

_-Deels, trust me. Everyting is fi…-_

_-Have I done something wrong? Be honest Patsy.-_

 

Only then was Patsy brave enough to look Delia in the eyes. She saw hurt, and she didn’t like it. She was used to that look, she was also used to keeping people out when they got to close. But now the difference was, that she didn’t like that look on Delia’s face. Even more so because she knew it was her fault. She had to say something to make it right.

 

_-Sorry, old thing. I’ve been tired. That’s all. -_ Patsy said, giving a sigh. She knew she wasn’t telling the whole truth, but she had been tired.

 

Delia gave Patsy a long and proper look. Somehow she seemed to buy what Patsy was selling her. But she was also aware that Patsy tended to keep things to herself. Things that Delia knew were hurting Patsy, but whenever she tried talking to her, Patsy would avoid the subject.

 

_-Pats, you know that if something’s wrong, you can talk to me. Right?-_

_-Oh. I…I know.-_ Responded Patsy not as confident as she wanted it to be _. – I’m really sorry.-_

_\- Apology accepted.-_ Said Delia with a small smile.

 

Patsy smiled too. It was hard not to when it came to Delia. But also because she was grateful Delia wasn’t pushing her. They’ve already done this dance. Delia always accepted the apology Patsy had to offer. Although, Patsy then realized that had to change. She didn’t like hurting Delia and, more importantly, Delia didn’t deserve it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Back! I'm really sorry for the delay, but life got in the way. 
> 
> Like always, comments are more than welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! I'm trying to get better at it


End file.
